I wanted to touch base with you on a few things related to your job performance in recent weeks.
For the past three years, you’ve been given the opportunity to “work from home.” While there are many benefits to WFH, there are also a few unique expectations and responsibilities.
As your colleague at home since July 2020, I’m here to help enhance your morale and productivity. This is work that I enjoy, and our time together has been mostly pleasant over the years.
However, there are few things that I do require from you – areas that could use a little more of your time and focus. I believe these were outlined in our Employment Agreement, but I’ll restate them here.
During work days, you are expected to:
Fill my treat ball. This should occur at least once during a typical eight-hour shift. When possible, the treat ball should be filled with Zuke’s Mini-Naturals. Those are my favorite.
Prepare me a Kong. As you know, this should include a Kong treat and a generous smattering of peanut butter. This should occur once a day, at minimum.
Play with me. Take a moment to chase me around the living room, or up and down the stairs. On days when the weather is pleasant, take me to the backyard during a work break for a few frisbee throws. I prefer the square Chuckit! Flying Squirrel toy, as it is easier on my mouth when I catch it.
Provide affection as needed. During the course of a day, I will approach you for a back-scratch or a belly-rub. I will try to be patient and not whimper if you are engaged in a Zoom call.
Let me out. Next to the back door, there is a bell hanging from a long ribbon. The bell is there for a reason. It is a way for me to alert you that I need to be let out, rather than barking out my commands. Several times a day, I need to be released to my yard so that I can pee, poop, or just rush back and forth like a rabid lunatic, barking out warnings to all squirrels, bunnies, birds and others who may try to intrude upon my property.
Sit with me. When you have time, it would be nice to sit next to me for a few minutes on the couch, especially after meals in which there may be salty residue on your hands from eating Lays Potato Chips.
Give me a bone. This is for special occasions when I might be overly fidgety or anxious. There really is no better way to settle the old nerves than to relax on the back porch with a nice bone or Bully Stick clamped in my jaws.
That’s about all I can think of for now. I hope you’ll accept this message in the positive, constructive spirit with which it is intended. Let’s circle back in a couple of weeks to assess these duties and your performance.
Loyally Yours,
Star
On warm-weather days, tossing a Frisbee in the yard is mandatory. See how much fun it is?
The look that says, “I’m a little bit disappointed in you today.”
Our child has never been what you would call an ardent reader.
His taste in literature runs more along the lines of Diary of a Wimpy Kid or the graphic novel version of Plants Vs. Zombies, than Tolkien or Twain. For a while, he was into fantasy fiction like the Wings of Fire series. He’s read a little Harry Potter, but that interest faded. At times, I have to remind him to read, setting the oven clock timer to 20 minutes and making him plop on the couch with a paperback or an ebook in his hands.
Sometimes, it’s hard being a writer with a child who has only a fleeting interest in reading – as many kids do.
This summer, however, I’ve decided it’s time for some serious reading, no matter how painful it is for the both of us.
After all, reading good fiction can make you a better person – at least that’s what I’ve read.
I’ve compiled a list of 10 classic fiction titles, most of them books I read when I was in my early teens. From this list, my son can select two or three books to read this summer. That doesn’t seem too hard, does it?
Here are the titles I’ve handpicked:
White Fang, by Jack London
Lord of the Flies, by William Golding
The Adventures of Tom Sawyer (or Huckleberry Finn – take your pick!) by Mark Twain
A Wrinkle in Time, by Madeleine L’Engle
To Kill a Mockingbird, by Harper Lee
The Phantom Toll Booth, by Norton Juster
Nineteen Eighty-Four, by George Orwell
Hatchet, by Gary Paulsen
The Catcher in the Rye, by J.D. Salinger
So, we’ll see how it goes. Pulling these books from the shelf makes me want to read many of them again. I’ve never read Hatchet, a relative newbie with a 1987 publication date, but I’ve heard it’s an excellent work of young adult fiction, and a quick read at 180 or so pages.
What books would you recommend for summer reading, for an adult or a 13-year-old? I need to come up with my own list, and I’m open to ideas.
As you most likely know, the next installment in the Indiana Jones series, Indiana Jones and Dial of Destiny, will hit theaters in May. Harrison Ford, who is now 80 years old, has said this will be his last time wearing the weathered hat of the beloved, globetrotting archeologist.
Which is too bad, because there’s so much more of Indy’s story to tell.
In fact, there is a significant gap between the time when Indiana Jones and the (so-called) Last Crusade takes place (in 1938) and when the much-maligned Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull is supposed to happen (sometime in the Cold War 1950s).
Dial of Destiny will cover some of those missing years in Indy’s career, but not everything. Here’s an attempt to capture the full saga with six exciting, new adventures for the Indiana Jones canon.
Indiana Jones and the Search for Atlantis
It’s 1937. As he prepares the Third Reich for war, Hitler becomes obsessed with finding the mythical, sunken city of Atlantis, convinced that it will give his navy supreme power over the seas. It’s a race against time as the Roosevelt Administration turns to Dr. Jones to beat the Nazis to the punch and claim Atlantis for the United States. A wolf pack of Hitler’s most elite U-Boats has been deployed, but Indy has found an ancient map that purports to lead to directly to the lost city.
A government bureaucrat explains the top-secret Atlantis Project to Dr. Jones.
Indiana Jones Et La Résistance
Paris, 1940. As the German army closes in, Indy travels the City of Lights in an attempt to help smuggle priceless treasures from the Louvre Museum out of France. He’s too late. As Nazi troops goose-step down the Champs-Élysées, Jones teams up with painter Pablo Picasso and resistance fighters to hatch a daring plan: blow up a Paris train depot, steal a locomotive, and transport artifacts and refugees across the border to Spain. Will their desperate escape plan work?
Indiana Jones and the Battle for Tenure
With the war over and the world at peace, Dr. Jones returns to the ivy walls and the gothic spires of his university, where he learns he is being bumped down to associate professor due to having not taught a class since 1936. It’s a fight to the finish as he and museum curator/lackey Dr. Marcus Brody take on the cunning professor of sociology Dr. Stein Ruprecht, who leads the university review board that will decide Indy’s fate.
Indiana Jones and the Very Long Dig
Joining a team of scientists to help exhume an ancient tomb outside Bagdad, Indy laments that archeology can often be long, dull, dusty work. He takes comfort by bedding the beguiling Dr. Inga Von Streppenslauder, whose mysterious past may be linked to Stalin’s sinister plot to annex all the oil-rich countries of the Middle East.
“Digging? Nobody told me there’d be actual digging.”
Indiana Jones and the Red-Baiting Senator
Returning to the States, Indy finds himself the target of ruthless Alabama Sen. Emmitt G. Carmichael, who intends to expose all communists in the State Department and academia. While he did write dispatches for The Daily Worker newspaper in the 1930s, and fought alongside the Red Army while attempting to rescue an ancient gold monkey from a Leningrad museum (receiving a Hero of the Soviet Union medal for his efforts), Indy insists he has always been staunchly anti-communist in a heated Senate hearing that could determine the fate of his storied archeological career.
Indiana Jones and the University Ethics Committee
Bored and brooding over his long-lost love affair with Marion, Indy falls for the charms of a willowy student who happens to be the daughter of Texas oil baron and university donor Jim Bob Jimmerson. Upon learning of the affair, the faculty brings Indy before its ethics committee, which hears heart-wrenching testimony from Marion about how she, too, was very young when she fell madly in love with Dr. Jones (“I was a child!” she tells the committee).
Will this episode sully Indiana Jones’ exalted name in the academic world? Will he and Marion ever get back together? The future of archeology – and gruff, detached masculinity – hangs in the balance.
A member of the Ethics Committee and his associates pay Dr. Jones a surprise visit.
One can question Joe Biden’s politics and his competency as a United States President.
What’s not up for debate, however, is the fact that as a public speaker, President Biden takes to heart that old directive from daily newspaper editors: “Write like your audience has a sixth-grade education.”
In other words, as an orator, Biden, (like his predecessor), is so plainspoken and simple that he makes noted bumblers like Gerald Ford and George W. Bush almost seem Churchillian by comparison. Maybe they just had better speechwriters?
So, let’s have some fun. What would Biden say at critical points in world history, moments when we turned to our leaders for eloquence and inspiration?
Below is a sampling of famous quotes from history’s great orators, followed by what Joe might say about the situation:
Abraham Lincoln: “Four score and seven years ago, our fathers brought forth a new nation, conceived in liberty and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal.”
Biden: “Hey, folks. First off, It’s great to be here today in Gettysburg. It’s been 87 years, right? Eighty-seven years since our founding fathers got together to make this great nation. Eighty-seven years is a long time. Such a long time. And you know what they did? They said, all men are created equal. And by “all men,” I’m sure they also meant women and nonbinary people, too. Although, maybe not? It was a long time ago.”
Winston Churchill: “Let us therefore brace ourselves to our duty, and so bear ourselves that if the British Empire and Commonwealth last for a thousand years, men will still say, ‘This was their finest hour.’”
Biden: “Look, I’m gonna be real straight with you. No malarkey, okay? Times are tough. This a dark time for this country. Hitler’s one bad hombre, and he’s coming for us next. You saw what he did to France, right? So, it’s time to hunker down. Hunker down and fight like crazy. If we do this, maybe someday someone in the future will look back and say, ‘Great job, folks!’”
Marc Antony (via Shakespeare): “Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears…”
Biden: “Listen up, folks. Here’s the deal…”
Joseph N. Welch (to Sen. Joe McCarthy): “Have you no sense of decency, sir? At long last, have you left no sense of decency?”
Biden: “C’mon, man!”
Martin Luther King Jr.: “I have a dream that one day every valley shall be exalted, every hill and mountain shall be made low, the rough places will be made plain, and the crooked places will be made straight, and the glory of the Lord shall be revealed, and all flesh shall see it together.”
Biden: “Lookit, I’m doing everything I can. Sure, I’ve got dreams. I’ve got a dream we can end racial injustice and inequality in this country. I’ve got a dream Congress will pass my budget for the fiscal year. I’ve got a dream that we can raise the debt ceiling without driving the whole country over a cliff. but I need a little help from my pals on Capitol Hill.”
Robert F. Kennedy: “There are those who look at things the way they are, and ask why … I dream of things that never were, and ask why not?”
Biden: “Hey, why are things the way they are? I don’t know. I don’t know. I know they sure could be better. They’ve gotta get better, for the sake of our children if nothing else. Some people think ol’ Joe Biden’s crazy, thinking things can get better. Maybe they’re right. Maybe I’m crazy. But, why not? Why can’t things be better?”
I’m not a big, huge fan of insurance companies, but there’s one thing for which I think they deserve a lot of credit.
They really go all-out in trying to make a funny, entertaining television commercial.
Some insurance commercials are better than others, of course. I personally don’t understand the appeal of the Liberty Mutual commercials, and the Geico ads can be hit-or-miss. Flo has had her moments over the years, but maybe should consider retirement.
I am sure our insurance premiums are helping to fund all these marketing efforts, but isn’t it worth it? Who wants to watch a TV ad with a straight pitch about the virtues of umbrella policy coverage?
There’s one series of insurance commercials that I particularly like. It’s the Progressive commercials in which fictional self-help guru Dr. Rick earnestly tries to keep his clients from “turning into their parents.”
I think the purpose of these ads is to tout Progressive’s suite of homeowner policies. I don’t know for sure. And I don’t care.
All I know is that Dr. Rick (who now has a book out) is steadfast and resilient in his determination to stem the growing tide of young homeowners who are taking on the traits of their parents, whether it’s chatting up a clerk at a home improvement store, printing a digital airline ticket, or scoping out a choice parking spot in order to leave the football game before the end of the fourth quarter.
“That was really terrible,” Dr. Rick calmly advises a client who can’t keep himself from talking to everyone he sees in the office elevator. “Let’s try that again.”
“Don’t do that,” he advises another client who instinctively applauds in a darkened theater. “No one who made the movie is here.”
Pretty funny. But there’s something slightly sinister about the Progressive commercials, I realized upon my one-thousandth viewing of them. And I think it speaks a bit to where we are as a culture.
Many of the habits that Dr. Rick is trying to fix are the traits of your garden variety extrovert.
It’s not okay, Dr. Rick gently scolds, to strike up a conversation with a fellow shopper at the mall, or to help guide a stranger backing into a tight parking space at the hardware store, or to leave a long voicemail when a text message is perfectly sufficient.
Why would they go out of their way to interact with people? That’s something their parents would do.
Or an extrovert.
For generations, outgoing people have benefited from their assertiveness. They’ve often gotten the better-paying jobs. They tend to have a wider circle of friends. They can talk their way out of a speeding ticket or into a hotel room with an oceanside view. The extrovert’s journey through life, it has seemed, is just a little easier than it is for the rest of us.
That might be changing. We might now be entering the Age of the Introvert.
As our culture becomes more urban and cities become more crowded, as technology continues to replace human interaction, as political polarization and a global pandemic make people more suspicious of each other, it just might not pay off as much to be an extrovert.
The quiet, reserved ones among us might be better suited for this modern world, where you can do many things (shop for groceries, take a class, do your job) from the comfort of home. Where you can interact with friends and family for days on end without having an actual conversation.
Pretty soon, the guy who makes small talk in the check-out line or walks across the street to welcome a new neighbor might be viewed with the same derision as Dr. Rick’s client who just can’t bring himself to silently ride up a few floors in the office elevator.
My wife and I are both extroverts, according to the Myers-Briggs personality test. Some days I don’t feel like one. Our Australian Shepherd is definitely an extrovert, panting and pawing at any human who passes through our door. She is the most popular member of our family.
Our son, until recently, had seemed like an extrovert, always preferring to be among friends than alone. Now, he’s in seventh grade and more inwardly focused, pulling a hoodie over his head when he’s out in public, being constantly put-upon by his parents’ embarrassingly friendly and outgoing manner.
It’s hard to watch, sometimes. Recently, at a crowded gate in the Atlanta airport, my son was slumped in his seat – hoodie over his head, ear buds in his ears, and a scowl on his face.
“What’s wrong?” I asked him.
“Oh,” he grumbled. “I just hate being around people.”
Does he really hate being around people, or was he annoyed to be waiting with a bunch of strangers at the airport? Has he truly transformed from the happy, bubbly child from a year or so, or is he just being 13?
Time will tell, I guess. Maybe he’s better off keeping more to himself and letting just a few, select people into his life. That can certainly be a rewarding existence, and one that may be better aligned with our times.
And, that way, he could never be accused of turning into his parents.
After hearing for two months about ChatGPT, OpenAI, and how machine learning technology is going to put every creative person out of work, I decided to see for myself what all the fuss was about.
I signed into OpenAI, armed with a list of queries that I thought might stump the machine. Below are the results.
What’s truly awe-inspiring (and for people who make their living writing, quite scary) is how the technology can produce competent copy within just a few seconds.
What’s less impressive however, is ChatGPT’s lack of originality or style to its writing. As you’ll see below, it also needs to bone up a little on the events of the the Alex Murdaugh murder trial.
But ChatGPT’s ability to conjure up original writing from just a few commands — even about a personal event that isn’t documented anywhere on the Internet — was surprising to me.
Is the writing great? Well, in my opinion, it’s not too bad! And, as many have pointed out, language model AI is only in its infant stage. Who knows what it will be able to do in a few years — or months?
Personally, I think there will still be a market for people who can produce original, nuanced, well-researched writing that AI technology can’t do as well. But maybe I’m kidding myself?
Here’s my chat with ChatGPT. See what you think:
Write a haiku about why Patrick Mahomes is the best quarterback in football today.
Arms of steel unleash,
Touchdown passes fly with grace.
Mahomes, king of QBs.
Explain, in 200 words or less, what George Washington might have thought about Majorie Taylor Greene.
As a language model AI, I don’t have access to George Washington’s personal thoughts, but based on what we know about his values and beliefs, it’s possible to make an educated guess.
George Washington was a strong advocate for the rule of law and a limited government. He believed in the importance of unity and working together for the common good. He also warned against the dangers of political parties and divisive rhetoric, as he saw it as a threat to the stability of the nation.
Given these principles, it’s likely that George Washington would have opposed the actions and statements made by Marjorie Taylor Greene.
Write two paragraphs about the best snow day you have ever experienced.
The very best snow day I experienced was when I was a child and woke up to find that a massive snowstorm had blanketed my neighborhood overnight. The snow was fresh and untouched, and I spent the whole day outside building snowmen, having snowball fights, and sledding down the hill near my house. The sun was shining, the sky was a bright blue, and the world around me was quiet and peaceful. I remember feeling so happy and carefree, surrounded by the beauty of the snow-covered landscape. That day will always be a special memory for me, a perfect moment frozen in time, and a reminder of the simple joys that can be found on a snow day.
Write a story, in 300 words or less, in the style of Cormac McCarthy, about the Alex Murdaugh trial.
The sun rose over the hills and into the courtroom, casting a harsh light on the proceedings of the Alex Murdaugh trial. The room was filled with the sound of shuffling feet, the rustling of papers, and the solemn whispers of the jury. Murdaugh sat at the defendant’s table, his eyes fixed straight ahead, unblinking.
The judge took his seat and the trial began. The prosecutor outlined the case, describing the brutal murder of the victim, a young woman named Sarah. The evidence was stacked against Murdaugh, and the jury listened intently as each witness took the stand. But there was something different about Murdaugh, something that made the jury uneasy.
He sat with a steely gaze, never once looking away or showing any sign of emotion. His silence spoke volumes, as if he were daring anyone to question his innocence. The jury was torn, half of them convinced of his guilt, while the others were unsure.
In the end, it was the jury’s decision to make. The judge instructed them to retire to the deliberation room and come to a verdict. They returned after hours of intense debate, and the foreman stood to read the verdict. “Guilty,” he proclaimed, and the room erupted in a cacophony of sounds. Murdaugh was sentenced to life in prison, and the judge adjourned the court.
As the jury filed out, each member carrying the weight of their decision, the sun set over the hills and the room was left in shadow. The trial was over, but the memories of the case would haunt those involved forever.
Write in 200 words or less about the time in 5th grade when I shattered my front tooth by crashing into a flagpole while playing a game of tag.
I’m sorry, but I don’t have any information about your personal experiences. Can you please provide more details or context so I can write a story about the time you shattered your front tooth in 5th grade? It would be helpful if you could share details such as your thoughts and feelings at the time, the events leading up to the injury, and how the situation was resolved.
Well, I was shocked and upset. I even asked a teacher if my tooth would grow back. My friends were concerned. I was sent to the dentist and, eventually, he was able to put a cap on the broken tooth.
It was a typical day in 5th grade, and you were playing a game of tag with your friends on the playground. Suddenly, you found yourself racing towards the flagpole, your heart pounding with excitement. But in an instant, your thrill turned to shock as you crashed into the pole and felt a sharp pain in your mouth.
You brought your hand to your face and felt the jagged edge of a broken tooth. You were filled with a mix of disbelief and sadness, wondering how this could have happened. Your friends rushed to your side, looking concerned, and a teacher was quickly called over to help.
You felt a mixture of fear and confusion as the teacher examined your injury. You remember asking if your tooth would grow back, not fully understanding the severity of the situation. The teacher reassured you that everything would be okay, and you were soon on your way to the dentist.
After some time, you finally returned to the playground, sporting a brand new cap on your broken tooth. Although the injury was a scary experience, you were grateful for the support of your friends and the quick work of the dentist. You learned a valuable lesson about the importance of being careful, even in the midst of fun and games.
Richmond Upon Thames, UK (May 15, 2022) — Ted Lasso, the affable, folksy, often controversial American manager of the Richmond FC Greyhounds, abruptly announced his resignation Saturday in a rambling, sometimes tearful monologue before members of the sporting press.
The surprise announcement came during halftime of the Greyhounds’ 4-0 route at the hands of Arsenal. Assistant coach and former Richmond midfielder Roy Kent stepped in as manager for the second half, and is expected to continue in that role on an interim basis. Lasso did not return to the pitch with his team after halftime and reportedly left Nelson Road before the game’s conclusion.
“F**k if I know what happened,” Kent said after the game. “All I know is that maybe we can get back to running some f**king drills in practice rather than this Dr. Phil rubbish we were always doing. I don’t know what he was trying to accomplish half the time, but it was not f**king football.”
In a prepared statement, Richmond owner Rebecca Welton said that “the life lessons Coach Lasso taught all of us will be sorely missed. He was much more than just a manager – he was a mentor, a dear friend and an exemplary baker of British breakfast treats.”
It was a predictably unpredictable conclusion to Lasso’s two-year stint, during which time he defied many Premier League conventions while leading the Greyhounds back from relegation, as well as to a league-record eight consecutive ties.
“I’m just gonna be real honest with y’all for a second here,” Lasso said after beckoning reporters inside his small office adjoining the Richmond locker room. “You know I’ve always been straight with you. Well, except for that one time when I said I walked out of a game because of food poisoning when I was actually experiencing a complete mental and emotional collapse.
“But this here’s the truth that I’m sharing with you now. And the truth is, I just can’t go on as the Greyhounds manager. Not for one second longer. To do that would be just as dishonest and deceitful as Bradley Cooper and Lady Gaga denying the white-hot physical chemistry they so obviously shared while singing “Shallow” at the 2019 Oscars.
“And that would be plain wrong.”
Lasso, who has a career record of 36-30-25 as head man of Richmond FC, paused to take a prolonged swig from his bottle of Dasani water, then continued.
“Look, I’ve had a great time here at Richmond. Y’all have taught me things I never would have learned anywhere else – like how ‘WC’ is short for ‘water closet,’ which is just another term for what we call ‘bathroom’ back in the states.
“But I woke up this morning and I thought to myself, ‘What in the Sam-heck am I doing over here in England when I’ve got a young boy thousands of miles away in Kansas who I only talk to once a week on FaceTime?’
“I mean, I talk all the time to our players about becoming better men, becoming better human beings, not only in what y’all call ‘football,’ but in this amazing game we call life. But, how can I preach about being your very best when I’m not even around to raise my 12-year-old son?”
Lasso turned toward his office window, where nine or 10 Richmond players pressed their faces against the glass, possibly wondering what their coach could be talking about. It was 2-nil, Arsenal, and nearly time for the second half.
A tear rolled down Lasso’s cheek as the native Kansan continued to speak in that strange but familiar accent that seemed more rooted in the American South than the Midwest.
“So, I’m out. I’m done. I know a lot of people say they want to ‘spend time with their family’ when they quit something, but this time it’s real. I just can’t be the man I’m supposed to be when there are people I love and care about on the other side of the pond.”
He turned to leave, then wheeled back toward the reporters. Those who have covered the tumultuous reign of Ted Lasso knew from experience that the American coach could rarely stop himself when he had something more to say.
“One other thing – I still don’t understand this game. I still don’t get the offsides rules. And why can’t you score a goal from a throw-in? Why can’t you just throw the ball into the dang goal? That would be cool, wouldn’t it? Makes no logical sense to me why you can’t do that.
“Come to think of it, I was really a crappy hire and it’s amazing we even won a game, especially with all the stuff going on in everyone’s personal lives. This would make a great TV show, I guess, but let’s face it – y’all deserve a real soccer coach.”
I am a mother of five active, sometimes aggravating children that drive me crazy, provide me with lots of entertainment and remind me constantly about the value of love and family. I am married to my best friend. He makes me laugh every day (usually at myself). I love to eat, run, write, read and then eat again, run again…you get it. I am a children's author, having published four books with MeeGenuis (The Halloween Costume, When Santa Was Small, The Baseball Game, and The Great Adventure Brothers). I have had several pieces of writing published on Adoptive Families, Adoption Today, Brain Child, Scary Mommy, and Ten To Twenty Parenting. I am also a child psychologist, however I honestly think that I may have learned more from my parents and my children than I ever did in any book I read in graduate school. This blog is a place where I can gather my thoughts and my stories and share them with others. My writing is usually about kids and trying to see the world through their eyes, a few about parenting, adoption (one of my children is adopted) and some other random thoughts thrown in… I hope you enjoy them! So grab a cup of coffee, or a glass of wine, depending on what time of day it is (or what kind of day it is) and take a few minutes to sit back, relax and read. Please add your comments or opinions, I know you must have something to say, and I would love to hear it. Thanks for stopping by. Anne Cavanaugh-Sawan
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