10 Signs That You Have a Really Annoying Cube-Mate

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annoying, coworkers, cube-mate, humor, office, pop culture, Stephen Roth, workplace

In this world, you don’t get to pick your family—and you almost never get to choose which co-worker sits next to you in the office.

Here are some clear warning signs that you and your assigned cube-mate—the individual who spends more time with you each week than anyone else—may not be compatible:

• Your cube-mate is in sales, and his “phone voice” is about two decibels louder than the drunk who sat behind you that one time at the hockey game.
• Your cube-mate likes to slurp reheated Lo Mein and cackle at YouTube videos during the lunch hour.
• “You got a second?” is the verbal cue that your cube-mate is about to ask you for some marriage advice.
• Your cube-mate is an accomplished whistler of 1970s light-rock hits.
• When you ask your cube-mate to stop whistling, he switches to humming—usually “Can We Still Be Friends?” by Todd Rundgren.
• You never want to borrow your cube-mate’s pens, because those are what he uses to dig the excess wax from his ears.
• Your cube-mate checks his 401(k) balance daily, and loudly threatens to sell that crappy international fund they’ve got him in.
• Your cube-mate’s love for every episode of Seinfeld is second only to his love for the New England Patriots.
• It is well-known throughout the office that your cube-mate does not wash his hands after using the bathroom.
• After checking Donald Trump’s poll numbers for the day, your cube-mate taunts you by asking “Are you worried yet? Are you worried yet?”

The Moral Bucket List

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career, david brooks, family, moral bucket list, new york times, purpose

This article by New York Times columnist David Brooks is more than a year old, but it is a powerful essay about people we all know who are able to see beyond themselves, and achieve a certain grace and contentment through good works. It’s about those folks who live their lives for a greater purpose than just career success or personal happiness, and how we might all become more like them. If you can carve out a few minutes, “The Moral Bucket List” is well worth reading and reflecting on.

At my age, it’s easy to get wrapped up in career, family life and the ever-growing number of tasks that must be crossed off my to-do list. Life sometimes seems like a series of obligations that need to be met and goals that need to be reached. However, I believe it’s important to take a step back every once in a while to think about my place in the world, my impact on others, and what it truly means to be living a fulfilling, grateful, meaningful life.

In my son’s Kindergarten class, his teacher will sometimes ask the students if what they are doing on a particular assignment is their “best work.” It’s a good question for every stage in life, I think. Is your life today your best work—not only for yourself, but for the people and world around you as well?

Memories of a Young Prince

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darling nikki, georgia, lennox mall, let's go crazy, music, prince, purple rain, Stephen Roth, turtle records

I bought my first LP with my own money in August 1984 at the Turtle Records in Atlanta’s Lenox Square Mall. The record I bought was Purple Rain. It came with a full-sized poster that showed Prince and his band, The Revolution, wearing pouting expressions. Two Revolution members, Wendy and Lisa, stood tightly together in a way that, back then, suggested scandalous female intimacy.

Over the past two days, countless TV and social media tributes have paid respects to a man who transformed popular music over the span of more than 35 years. The news of Prince’s death was shocking not only because he was only 57 years old, but because so many people my age vividly recall when Prince epitomized everything that was forbidden and dangerous and exciting and new about music. We think of Prince as a restless prodigy in his early 20s, not the guy who released Hit n Run Phase One late last year.

Back in 1984, Prince was not only the most popular recording artist of the day, he was Middle America’s Worst Nightmare, oozing sexuality with a decadent blend of 1970s funk and 1980s rock. He wore eyeliner and lacy outfits, and spent a portion of his concerts thrusting himself on a massive brass bed. It was rumored that Prince sometimes had sex with one of his female cohorts onstage, though nobody in my eighth grade class had any proof during this pre-YouTube dinosaur age.

In 1980s Georgia, where there was no such thing as sex education in public schools and the closest thing to pornography for most boys was the annual Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue, you could learn an awful lot by playing “Darling Nikki” over and over on the turntable, which is exactly what we did one night at a friend’s dance party. This was the Purple Rain song that described Nikki “in a hotel lobby masturbating with a magazine,” easily the most shocking thing any of us had ever heard on vinyl. We were careful to turn the volume down low as we played the song again and again in my friend’s garage, junior high boys and girls nodding to the beat and grinning shyly while our parents drank cocktails and talked about who-knows-what inside the house.

When I bought my first record in 1984, it was more out of a wish to keep up with my peers than because I was a huge Prince fan. I listened to the record many times, captivated by some tracks (“Purple Rain,” “Let’s Go Crazy,” “Take Me With U”) bored by one (“When  Doves Cry”), and confused by others (What did it mean when Lisa asked Wendy if the water was warm? Were they going swimming?).

Years later, I gained a much greater appreciation for Prince’s musical artistry and lyrical prowess (is there any better description of anxious, teenage lust than “The place where your horses run free?”). I don’t have a lot of his music, I’m a casual fan at best, but the news of his death—whatever the cause—is still sad and shocking. For me and other people my age, we not only lost a another great artist to the After World, we got a reminder that Purple Rain was a mighty long time ago.

The 2016 Liebster Award!

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grateful and authentic, liebster award, Stephen Roth

First, I want to thank my friend Kara for nominating me to receive the coveted 2016 Liebster Award. Please check out her entertaining and insightful blog at https://gratefulandauthentic.com.

So, what is the Liebster Award, anyway? Well, it exists only on the Internet, and is essentially a “pay-it-forward” award given to bloggers from other bloggers. The Liebster has been around since at least 2011, and it’s an effective, free way of helping to raise a little awareness about bloggers you enjoy and admire.

The rules for the Liebster Award are pretty simple:

1. Thank and link the person who nominated you.
2. Answer the 11 questions given to you by the nominator.
3. Nominate up to 11 other bloggers who have 1,000 or fewer follows on their blogs.
4. Create 11 new questions for your nominees to answer.
5. Let the nominees know that your blog post is up.

My Responses to Kara’s Questions:

Why did you decide to start a blog?

I started the blog because I needed a vehicle to build an online audience and to help promote my first book, A Plot for Pridemore, which was published in 2014.

What inspired your blog’s name?

A George Carlin routine from the 1980s, which was titled A Place for My Stuff. I thought that “A Place for My Stuff” would be an apt name for my blog since I did not intend on giving it a narrow theme or focus. I have always envisioned my blog as a repository for whatever I feel like writing at the time. It’s about anything and everything, but mostly about Stephen.

How long have you been blogging?

More than three years, since January 2013.

What is the best piece of advice that you’ve ever received?

This question almost begs for a glib response, because it’s really hard for me to sort through all of the wise, caring advice I’ve received in my life. I’ll go with this: when I got my first credit card, my parents directed me to always pay the full balance every month. I actually listened to them, and that practical advice has helped me manage my money and avoid financial stress.

If you could have any super power, what would it be?

I wish I had the power to protect all children from abuse, hunger or an early death.

What has surprised you most about adulthood?

That you never seem to reach that hilltop where you can relax, take a breath and look back on what you have accomplished. There’s always something steeper than must be climbed, immediately.

What advice would you give your 18-year-old self?

“Most of what you’re doing is fine, but quit being so self-conscious around girls.”

What is your favorite book?

Catch-22, by Joseph Heller. Hilarious, painfully true and one of the first books that made me think, “I wish I could write something like that.”

What is your greatest blessing?

Being born into a situation that allowed me to learn, grow and build the kind of life that I thank God for every day.

What is your favorite television show?

Currently, it is Madmen. The series finale left me with a bittersweet wish that the story could continue, the way you sometimes feel after reading a really terrific novel.

What is your favorite quote?

I am having a hard time with this one, but the quote that comes to mind is, “Freedom’s just another word for nothing left to lose.”

Here are the Blogs I’m Nominating:

http://trailheadproductions.com/palette/blog/
http://www.kennethwbarber.com/#!blog/c1bbq
http://karenzach.com/
http://mustlistentoallthemusic.blogspot.com/
http://www.fowllanguagecomics.com/
http://devinestudios.com/blog/
http://www.instaprincess.net/blog/

Here are My 11 Questions for the Nominees:

What is the most valuable thing you have learned from blogging?

If I could read only one post on your blog, which one should it be?

What is the last thing that made you laugh really hard?

Why do you feel the need to blog?

You have to make an eight-hour drive through Kansas. What famous, living person would you most enjoy taking along with you, and why?

What famous, living person would you least want to take with you on the drive through Kansas, and why?

Describe an instance in your life when you really thought that you might die.

Almost everyone has a “happy place.” Describe yours.

When you were seven, what did you want to be when you grew up?

Name a movie that you just can’t stop watching whenever you see it on TV.

Name a time when you took a big risk, and it really paid off.

 

I Got a Name

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jim croce, Stephen Roth

August 2006,
driving home for lunch,
a long-dead folk singer warbling
that sentimental tune about
staking a path in life,
which clutches your throat
as you consider
your 11-week-old child
and the dreams
that will call his own name.

You won’t hear the song again
until the following Father’s Day,
when its familiar chords drift
from the PA speakers
while you sit by the swimming pool,
holding a paperback dampened
by the splashing
of kids in the shallow end.

You, no longer a father,
smile at the dewy musings
the song once inspired,
just minutes before
they called you with the news
that changed everything.

I ought to be hating this,
you think as you sit by the pool,
but part of you wants to believe
that the song’s return
actually means something.

In memory of Maxwell Arthur Roth
May 31-August 14, 2006