10 Amazing Reasons why Facebook Sucks

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advertising, Facebook, friends, observations, people, politics, social habits, social media

Once upon a time, Facebook was a happy place. Friends shared cute photos of their kids or their pets. People wrote witty little observations or mini-stories in 100 words or less. Occasionally, someone would ask for a restaurant recommendation. Maybe they would explain why they liked a certain movie or song. The response among friends would be instantaneous and usually thoughtful. Unlike Twitter, Facebook was truly interactive. Reactions and conversations fueled Facebook’s growing appeal.

That was a long time ago. Today, Facebook is like a once-thriving neighborhood now littered with payday loan stores, political campaign signs and ugly billboards. The sidewalks that were once filled with friendly pedestrians are mostly vacant. Neighbors don’t venture outside to talk to one another much anymore.

I’ve come up with a top 10 list of things I dislike about Facebook mostly because lists seem to be the only way we can communicate and process information these days. Maybe you will agree with some of my observations. Some of them you will certainly find to be cranky and old man-ish. Anyway, here they are–10 Amazing Reasons Why Facebook Sucks:

#1. Personal Branding. Participating on Facebook has become less about sharing information and more about managing your own personal brand. I’m as guilty of this as anyone and probably more than most. The past several months, I have been using Facebook to promote my novel to an extent that even I am now tired of writing about it (it is delightful book, by the way). Even if I didn’t have a product to pitch, I would still probably spend way too much time thinking about my Facebook persona. A few weeks ago, Father’s Day rolled around and I felt this strange obligation to post something about the holiday. Why would I feel that was an important thing to do? It’s not like I’m paid to write about Father’s Day, or that anyone beyond a dozen people would care about my thoughts on the occasion. Ten years ago, I would not have considered sending out a blast email to all of my friends and contacts about Father’s Day. Why do I feel pressured to do so now, to compete against other peoples’ personal brands with my own Father’s Day post? It doesn’t seem healthy.

#2. Advertising. It is no big revelation that Facebook uses your personal data to sell you things. This was first revolutionized by Amazon’s Jeff Bezos, when he used bookselling as a tool to learn peoples’ personal tastes and how to market to them. Facebook is just following suit. Still, it is irritating to scroll through my news feed and see one ad after another for the Dollar Shave Club. I don’t go to Facebook to buy stuff. I want to find out what my friends are doing.

#3. Politics. Hey, friend who used to write amusing posts about his family, sports and pop culture–I get it. You hate the Republicans. They’re destroying the country. I may agree with you on most points but that doesn’t mean I want to read every single article you share from The Huffington Post, Politico or MSNBC. I’ve got news for you, political friend. You are talking to the same circle of agreeable buddies while everyone else has tuned you out. You have not changed anyone’s mind about the important political issues of the day.

#4. Shares. It seems to me that most of us on Facebook have migrated from writing original posts to just sharing news articles, memes or surveys that we find amusing. Now, we can even share streaming videos that stream whether the viewer wants them to or not. The result is a visual cluster with no rhyme or reason. Just glancing at my feed right now, I see “29 Terrifying Panorama Fails That Will Haunt Your Nightmares,” a meme about getting up when life knocks you down, an ad about paying off my mortgage and “26 Struggles Anyone Raised Catholic Will Totally Understand.” Some days, finding a text post in your news feed that actually tells you what somebody is doing with their life is like discovering a rare, precious jewel.

#5. Misinformation. I was guilty of this the other day. I shared a piece about how much time people spend on their phones that was, upon closer examination, probably made up. I’ve also seen a quote about funding for the arts attributed to Winston Churchill that he never said. There is a lot of bogus stuff on the Internet, and we all get fooled every now and then. Lately, however, I’ve noticed “friends” trying to trick each other with misinformation. For example, an article about a celebrity death that you click on only to find the headline, “You been owned!” Shame on me for having a morbid curiosity about one of the stars of The Walking Dead, I guess.

#6. Narcissism. This one is nothing new. Facebook and other social media have made all of us more narcissistic. Still, I believe that the problem is evolving from “self-absorbed” to “totally lacking in self-awareness.” Yes, you may be a good friend, but that doesn’t mean I want to be updated four times a day about your latest adventures in Cancun. It just makes me jealous. Also, sometimes it’s a little irritating to be part of a mass layoff from a company you worked at for eight years, and then read posts from your former co-workers gushing about how cool it is to work for that company. That’s my bad, of course. I don’t have to read those posts and, in the future, I won’t be friending as many co-workers on Facebook.

#7. Unoriginal Narcissism. Back when everyone got digital cameras on their phones, some people truly believed that the quality of experimental photography would explode. What we’ve gotten, instead, is people taking the same damn types of pictures as everyone else, in addition to a gluttony of photo-bombs and selfies. I really don’t care to see your feet, even if they are landscaped against a beautiful Caribbean beach. That photo has been done a million times before. The only feet I really care about seeing belong to my wife and my child, and that’s it.

#8. Anger and Negativity. Call me old-fashioned, but I don’t think it’s ever a good idea to use social media to complain about your problems, take shots at a former spouse or cuss about that stupid thing Obama did. I just think it reflects poorly on a person’s character (just like writing a 1,300-word screed about Facebook probably reflects poorly on my character). It is also important to note that those comments never really go away. Even if you delete them, which Facebook now allows, those posts are floating out there somewhere. Someday, your angry vents on Facebook may work against you. Also, if negativity becomes an important part of your personal brand (see #1 above), even your friends will stop reading and caring.

#9. Meddling. Based on what you share and with whom you interact, Facebook thinks it knows you better than you know yourself. That is why only certain friends, products and stories keep showing up in your news feed. Eventually this can become a form of mind control. If I haven’t interacted with my friend George for six months, his updates and shares will disappear from my feed. Since I never see anything from George, I assume he is no longer active on Facebook. Pretty soon, I stop thinking about George because, unless I look up his profile, I am not connected to his life. Ultimately it’s my fault for not picking up the phone and giving George a call, but Facebook still plays a subtle part in bringing us closer to some friends and distancing us from others. That power over what and who we care about is frightening.

So there you have it—-nine reasons why Facebook definitely sucks. Wait, did I say there were 10 reasons? Well, I can’t think of a 10th reason.

I guess Facebook really isn’t so bad after all.

Stephen Roth is author of the humorous novel, A Plot for Pridemore. Be sure to “like” his author fan page at https://www.facebook.com/StephenRothWriter

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Awww, Aren’t They Sweet?

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advertising, budweiser, media, review, Super Bowl

The popularity of last night’s Budweiser commercial only proves what members of the media and advertisers have known for a long time: that cuddly puppies always sell. Team one up with Clydesdale horses, and you have what equates to marketing gold. Just forget the inconvenient fact that this ad has nothing at all to do with drinking beer.

Anchored Down by Hype?

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advertising, anchorman, anchorman 2, hype, marketing, media, promotions, viral, will ferrell

Is it possible to over-promote a movie?

We may find out this weekend with the premiere of Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues. For the past several weeks, consumers have experienced a barrage of advertising for the movie, including Ron Burgundy cameos on Saturday Night Live, The Today Show, online games and even some local TV newscasts. Will Ferrell’s character has also written op-eds for The Huffington Post, appeared on scores of YouTube videos and, of course, is spokesman for a series of Dodge Durango ads that cross-promote Anchorman 2.

All of this for a sequel to what, in my mind, was a mildly amusing Ferrell comedy from back in 2004. I mean, if Anchorman had been such a huge cultural force, why did it take Paramount nearly a decade to produce a follow-up? Is the world really pining for a continuation of the saga about Ferrell’s pompously stupid 1970s talking head? And, even if the world is, does Anchorman 2 deserve the kind of promotional build-up and viral chatter you would expect from, say, a Star Wars sequel?

According to this article on The Verge, Anchorman 2 may be laying the groundwork for how movies are marketed in the future.

I hope not. As a consumer, I’ve gone from being slightly annoyed by all the Anchorman 2 promos to actively rooting for the movie to flop and possibly even spell the beginning of the end to Ferrell’s one-note comedy career. I’m willing to bet that I am not the only person who is sick of seeing Ron Burgundy’s famous ‘stache, and will opt to go see an actual “good” movie over the holidays, of which there should be plenty (American Hustle, The Monuments Men, The Wolf of Wall Street, to name a few).

Ron Burgundy may try to persuade you that his movie is kind of a big deal. Don’t buy it. Anchorman 2 just another “franchise” sequel that viewers will forget shortly after leaving the theater.

The Perils of “Low T”

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advertising, androgel, blot clots, cancer, drugs, fda, low t, testosterone

Some television commercials are so ridiculous, it’s impossible to parody them because they do such an effective job of parodying themselves. Such is the case with this commercial for AndroGel, a new drug for low testosterone, or “Low T,” as the hip middle-aged guy in the ad calls it. You can find the commercial here on the drug company’s website.

If you invested two minutes of your life into watching this advertisement, you’ll notice that much of its running time is dedicated to disclaimers about all the strange and/or horrible things the drug might do to you, all on the off-chance that it will improve your performance in the bedroom. Here are all the disclaimers, courtesy of the handy transcript that the drug company provides:

Women and children should avoid contact with application sites. Discontinue AndroGel and call your doctor if you see unexpected signs of early puberty in a child, or signs in a woman, which may include changes in body hair or a large increase in acne, possibly due to accidental exposure…

Women and children should avoid contact with application sites. Men with breast cancer or who have or might have prostate cancer, and women who are, or may become pregnant or are breastfeeding, should not use AndroGel. Serious side effects include worsening of an enlarged prostate, possible increased risk of prostate cancer, lower sperm count, swelling of ankles, feet, or body, enlarged or painful breasts, problems breathing during sleep, and blood clots in the legs. Tell your doctor about your medical conditions and medications, especially insulin, corticosteroids, or medicines to decrease blood clotting.

Yes. You should be very worried.

It’s the mentioning of “blood clots,” and “possible increased risk of prostate cancer” that really grab my attention, much more than the cozy images of the middle-aged guy sporting around in his Mustang convertible and lighting a Chinese lantern with his wife. “Just how did this drug receive FDA approval?” and “How many guys out there actually need this?” are two thoughts that run through my mind when watching this. Apparently a lot of guys need it, as the number of prescriptions for “Low T” drugs have tripled in the past decade or so.

Well, I guess you have to give the makers of AndroGel credit for taking a “warts and all” approach to advertising – the legally prudent thing to do. But I know I won’t be rolling the dice in the hopes of raising my testosterone number anytime soon.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go out and light a Chinese lantern with my wife.

Image courtesy of CaryCitizen.com.

Upgrade This!

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advertising, airlines, delta airlines, Facebook, fees, travel

Never let it be said that the airlines don’t care about their customers. Over the past few days, I have received regular posts on my Facebook news feed from Delta Airlines, “inviting” me to upgrade to economy class on my upcoming flights and get “up to four inches” of additional leg room. Of course, this means an additional charge of at least $9 per seat. The skies may be friendly, but they aren’t free!

Airline annoyances aside, I am a little disturbed by the number of advertisements appearing on my Facebook news feed from businesses that I have patronized but never “liked” on Facebook. And some of the entities that I have actually “liked” are now inundating me with rambling posts that I don’t have the time or interest in reading (for example, I thought I liked R.E.M. until I starting getting updates from them every day. Someone should tell their marketing person that the band broke up two years ago).

I know, I know… if I don’t want to be marketed to, I should just cancel all my social networking accounts. It may come to that some day. Until then, there’s a new post on my feed about how to power my cell phone with a solar charger that I absolutely must ignore.

Image from Delta Airlines’ Facebook page.

The Episode in Which “Madmen” Jumps the Shark

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1960s, advertising, amc, don draper, madmen, new york, peace corps, television

SCENE: It is a Sunday morning at the Drapers’ spacious Manhattan apartment. MEGAN DRAPER lounges on the couch in a silk nightie, flipping through the pages of Look Magazine and smoking a Virginia Slim. DON DRAPER enters the apartment and drops his keys on a nearby table. He wears a ruffled charcoal grey suit and a loosened burgundy tie.

DON: Good morning.

MEGAN: Where were you all night? You look like hell.

DON: (Staring into the hallway mirror and smiling slightly.) I do, don’t I?

MEGAN: Are you drunk?

DON: As a matter of fact, I’ve never been more sober.

(DON drags a trash bin from the kitchen and places it next to the living room liquor cabinet. He stoically pulls one bottle after another from the cabinet and tosses each one into the trash. MEGAN rushes to him and grabs him by the arm.)

MEGAN: Don! What are you doing?

DON: (Not looking at her) Something I should have done a long time ago.

MEGAN: This is crazy. What’s gotten into you?

(DON ignores her, continuing to pile bottle after bottle into the bin. There are a lot of bottles, so it takes a while. When he finishes, DON turns to his wife and puts his hands on her shoulders. He looks at her dreamily, as if he is seeing her for the first time. He takes the skinny cigarette from her mouth and tosses into the trash with all the bottles.)

DON: Honey, this guy walked into my office yesterday. We spent the whole night talking.

MEGAN: What kind of guy?

DON: I’ve never met him before. He said he was with the Gideons and he gave me this (He pulls out a pocket-sized New Testament and places it on top of the liquor cabinet). Megan, have you ever heard of being born again?

MEGAN: What are you talking about?

DON: (Getting down on one knee and looking up at his wife with a pleading expression. There are tears in his eyes.) Look, I’ve done a lot of bad things in my life. Drinking, carousing, deceiving. There’ve been women. A lot more than you know about it. So many, even I’ve lost count. In a way, you could say my whole life has been a lie. When I came back from the war in Korea… Well, maybe that’s a story for another time.

MEGAN: Don, I–

DON: –But I think I’ve got a chance to set things straight. Tomorrow morning, I’m walking into Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce and I’m handing them my resignation. I’m giving up my partnership. The agency’s no good for me. Not for what I’ve got planned. Besides, advertising has bored me for years. I think it’s the Heinz account that finally put me over the edge.

MEGAN: But you’ve spent your whole career building up that company. What on earth are you going to do?

DON: (Smiling slyly.) Well, there’s this little thing call the Peace Corps.

MEGAN: Oh, Don, no!

DON: Listen. All my life, I’ve taken from people. I’ve been a crappy husband, a crappy father. I’ve made up ads that testify that true happiness can only be found through the purchase of the right brand of deodorant. I’ve worshiped false idols, and I’ve created false idols. But now I think I can give something back. I think I can get my hands dirty in a different way. Megan, do you know where Sierra Leone is?

(MEGAN says nothing, but starts tearing up).

DON: Hey. Hey! I know it sounds crazy. But listen to me! Listen to me! Listen to me! (He is shaking her by the shoulders.) Everything we know, everything in this apartment… It’s all phony. It’s nothing. Out there is the real world. The Third World. Look, it’s only for a couple of years. After that, you can go back to your acting. You hate working on that soap opera, anyway.

(He kisses her tenderly on the forehead, puts a hand under her chin and nudges it up so that MEGAN is eye-to-eye with him.)

DON: What do you say? Just you and me? We can start over.

MEGAN: (Looking at him hopefully). Yes. YES!

DON: You’ll never regret this. I swear. We go in for our immunization shots tomorrow.

MEGAN: Uhm, okay.

(The two hold hands and look out the massive window as the sun peaks above the New York City skyline. It is a new day for DON and MEGAN DRAPER).

Where Have You Gone, Billy Mays?

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advertising, billy mays, cable news, current events, media, Mindy McCready, news, Oscar Pistorius

“But, wait! There’s more!”

One Monday morning a few years ago, I was settling into my office cubicle when my co-worker Dave popped his head over the wall and shared some sad news.

“You hear that Billy Mays died over the weekend?”

“Really? No way!”

“Yep. They think it was a heart attack.”

“Wow,” I said, wondering if my father had heard about this. “That’s big news.”

“I guess.”

“So, the Say-Hey Kid is no more.”

“What?”

“The Say-Hey Kid,” I said. “That’s what they called him in his playing days.”

Dave laughed. “Not Willie Mays. Billy Mays.”

“Who the hell is Billy Mays?” I asked.

“You know, the guy on the Home Shopping Network. The OxiClean guy.”

I had no idea who Dave was talking about. I soon would, however, as the cable news networks and celebrity gossip shows reported on the death nonstop for the next several days. I learned that Billy Mays was a fast-talking, charismatic TV pitchman who worked his way up from selling cleaning products and even had his own reality show for a while. I still didn’t know why his death was especially important, other than inspiring this mildly tasteless joke:

First Guy: “Did you hear that Billy Mays died?”

Second Guy: “Why, no, I—”

First Guy: “—But wait! There’s more!”

A couple of recent news stories reminded me of Billy Mays and my cold indifference to his death. Last week, South African Olympian Oscar Pistorius was charged with murdering his girlfriend. And on Sunday, former country star Mindy McCready was found dead in an apparent suicide. My first reaction to both events was, “Gosh, that’s terrible.” My second reaction was, “Who are these people again?” I had never heard of either one of them.

Of course, thanks to electronic media, I know now that Nike has decided to drop Pistorius from its advertising campaign and that McCready once starred on “Celebrity Rehab.” I know that Pistorius’ girlfriend was a supermodel who spoke out against domestic abuse, and that McCready and her boyfriend both died this year, leaving behind a son who hasn’t even reached his first birthday. I should point out I learned all of this without actively watching or reading any of the news coverage. The awareness seeped into me as if it were part of the atmosphere–a sound byte about the disgraced Olympian from the TV in the next room; a headline about Dr. Drew’s reaction to the country star’s death at the top of Google News.

I don’t mean to make light of these two stories. Both are tragic beyond words. But I have a hard time understanding the intense coverage and hourly updates. Is this the kind of news people really care about and want to follow? Or are we trained to take an interest in these stories because the cable networks have been feeding us a steady diet of them for so long? How many viewers knew who Oscar Pistorius was a week ago?

The irony of the 24-hour news cycle is that there isn’t enough real news to fill the cycle. And who wants to be hit over the head all day with stories about budget shortfalls, unemployment, Afghanistan, gun violence and immigration reform? You know, the stuff that really matters and could make a difference in our lives? We want a diversion from all that, and what better way than to fill us up with murder mysteries, courtroom dramas and turbulent lives that allow us to say, “Well, at least I’m not that guy?” Doesn’t really matter if it’s O.J. Simpson or the jerk who slapped an 19-month-old child yesterday on a Delta Airlines flight.

Okay, so I admit to reading a CNN.com article about the guy slapping the toddler. We all have our weaknesses. And, like a late-night salesman hawking cleaning supplies, the news media will keep pitching until it has something our sleep-deprived craniums absolutely, positively cannot resist.

Self-Expression in the Extreme

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ads, advertising, bumper stickers, call of duty, cars, media, politics, Stephen Roth, traffic, video games, war

If you gave the Oakland Raiders a bunch of assault rifles, this is what you’d get.

The other day during my commute to work, I drove behind a Jeep with a spare tire cover that bore the ominous silver-and-black logo of Call of Duty Elite. Which, if you don’t know, is an online service that allows you to pretend you are part of an elite paramilitary unit, shooting endless waves of enemies, with other gamers from around the world. According to Wikipedia, there are now about 10 million people who use Call of Duty Elite, roughly equal to the population of Shanghai, China.

Driving through rush hour traffic, staring at the goggled character who represents Call of Duty Elite, I wondered why the Jeep’s owner didn’t just invest in a tire cover that read, “Pretend Soldier?” Wasn’t that basically what he was saying to the world about himself? Unless, of course, he was a real special ops commando who also happened to be a huge fan of the video game. I thought this unlikely, especially after getting a look at the guy as I passed him on the Broadway Bridge. I think he may have been wearing a Best Buy shirt.

Promoting one’s prowess at a violent video game – at a time when people are dying in a real war and mass shootings seem like a weekly occurrence – shows poor taste and an incredible lack of awareness. But it’s not the only example of self-expression in the extreme. On the road alone, you see all kinds of crude posturing: aluminum nut sacks tangling from trailer hitches, Calvin pissing on a Chevy logo, inflammatory bumper stickers about abortion, gun rights or immigration. Then there are the more benign self-promoters: the stick-figure family fans, the vanity plate bearers and the proud parents of honor role students. And occasionally you’ll see someone sharing their grief through a memorial bumper sticker or a roadside cross. More often than not, I’ve noticed, those seem to honor someone who has died in a motorcycle accident.

I’ve never done more than affix a university logo to my car, so I don’t get the mentality of showing your machismo, anger, pride, fear or sorrow to a bunch of strangers who are just trying to get to work on time. Is there a human need in many of us to express ourselves even when we are driving? Is it because we spend so much time in our cars that they’re almost like our homes? Or has the wave of mass-produced, personalized products made it all too easy for us to decorate our cars with favorite cartoon characters, sports teams, rock band logos or political catch-phrases?

Whatever the reason, I wish my fellow drivers nothing but success and satisfaction in sharing their personal tastes with the public. Especially Call of Duty guy. I sincerely hope that someday he will get to kiss a real, live girl.

God Made a Super Bowl

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ads, advertising, America, commercials, Dodge, Facebook, farmers, God, Paul Harvey, Ram, Super Bowl, Trucks

Without a doubt, the most polarizing TV commercial during this year’s Super Bowl was the Ram Truck ad in which the late Paul Harvey extols the virtues of the hard-working American farmer. I say this with great certainty because four of my Facebook friends deemed it post-able subject matter. Two of them liked the ad. Two of them didn’t. Therefore, I assume the entire country is at loggerheads about this, most likely along the usual red state/blue state dividing lines.

I have to say that I am a sucker for ads like this. And for the first time ever, I think I understand the appeal of Paul Harvey. His deliberate pauses and stoic delivery are perfectly matched with still shots of farmers tossing hay bales, walking through the wheat, looking at their gnarled hands or staring grimly at the camera (“So God made a farmer,” Harvey intones). Makes one proud to live in a country where a mere 2 percent of the population feeds the rest of us.

Still, the ad seems a little dated. Almost all the depicted farmers are weathered old white guys. There are a couple of women. One minority. No immigrant workers. No mention, either, of the corporations that own and operate many American farms. So the ad seemed incomplete. Also, it’s a little hard for me to imagine a farmer climbing down from his mammoth John Deere S-Series combine to mend a meadow lark’s broken leg, as Harvey describes. But I suppose it could have happened. It’s a nice bit of imagery, anyway.

What bugs me a little about the Farmer ad is what I also find disturbing about the Super Bowl: how the NFL and many of its sponsors wrap themselves in flag and country for much of the five-hour event. As if sports and patriotism are somehow irrevocably linked. As if the Super Bowl is this special holiday for us to take measure of ourselves as a nation. The NFL has exploited this connection since Whitney Houston sang the National Anthem at the Super Bowl during the first Gulf War. Each year, it seems to get a little more heavy-handed. The Farmer ad is an artful continuation of that tradition – God, country, football and Ram Trucks.

Well, as long as GoDaddy.com doesn’t invoke the Creator, I guess we’ll be all right.