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Tag Archives: jackson hole

The Story Behind the Photo… Maybe

18 Wednesday Sep 2013

Posted by ghosteye3 in humor, photo fiction, Uncategorized

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Tags

bear, fiction, fitness, grizzly, humor, jackson hole, personal trainers, television, weight loss, wilderness

dealing-with-bears-when-camping-442

Amanda Armstrong
Fitness Trainer
Hollywood, CA

Dear Miss Armstrong,

Let me just start by saying that I’ve been a huge fan of yours since Season One of Ultimate Hardcore Weight Loss Challenge. What you accomplished with that 460-pound woman from Little Rock convinced me that there was someone out there who was strong, passionate and caring enough to help me with my own weight problem. I’m writing to ask you to consider working with me on your show, and I’m not exaggerating when I say that this may be the very last chance for me to change my destructive eating habits.

As you can see from the above photo, I’m a bear. There I am, tipping the scale at more than 700 pounds shortly after an unfortunate eating binge in which I devoured four campers and their Labradoodle. This was just outside Jackson Hole in the summer of 2012 and, as the picture illustrates, I’m not feeling too good about myself. There was a time not long ago when I was a trim cub of under 350 pounds, splashing around, scoring fish, and mixing it up with my buddies in the river. As I packed on more weight over the years, however, my metabolism took a real hit and I had to feed on slower, more docile prey. Like tourists, for instance.

I don’t want to live this kind of life. I’ve tried all sorts of diets and other weight loss programs over the years. Some were successful, but I always ended up gaining back the pounds I lost, and then some. Now, I’m pretty close to just giving up. Some days it’s all I can do to drag myself out of the cave and dig through the trash of a nearby campground. Other days I’m too depressed to even do that. I just veg out in front of the TV, counting the weeks until hibernation.

Miss Armstrong, I know you’re a busy woman, and that you get letters like this all the time. I also know that having a man-eating grizzly on your show might be considered a risk. All I can say is, if selected to participate in Season Two of U.H.W.L.C., I promise that I will do everything you ask of me, and then some. I know my health and happiness depend on it.

Best Regards,

Hungry Bear

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I have people to kill, lives to ruin, plagues to bring, and worlds to destroy. I am not the Angel of Death. I'm a fiction writer.

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I am a mother of five active, sometimes aggravating children that drive me crazy, provide me with lots of entertainment and remind me constantly about the value of love and family. I am married to my best friend. He makes me laugh every day (usually at myself). I love to eat, run, write, read and then eat again, run again…you get it. I am a children's author, having published four books with MeeGenuis (The Halloween Costume, When Santa Was Small, The Baseball Game, and The Great Adventure Brothers). I have had several pieces of writing published on Adoptive Families, Adoption Today, Brain Child, Scary Mommy, and Ten To Twenty Parenting. I am also a child psychologist, however I honestly think that I may have learned more from my parents and my children than I ever did in any book I read in graduate school. This blog is a place where I can gather my thoughts and my stories and share them with others. My writing is usually about kids and trying to see the world through their eyes, a few about parenting, adoption (one of my children is adopted) and some other random thoughts thrown in… I hope you enjoy them! So grab a cup of coffee, or a glass of wine, depending on what time of day it is (or what kind of day it is) and take a few minutes to sit back, relax and read. Please add your comments or opinions, I know you must have something to say, and I would love to hear it. Thanks for stopping by. Anne Cavanaugh-Sawan

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