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When you a player, it don’t matter who you ask to the Park Hill High School Christmas Ball. It’s who you end up with that matters.

When you a player, you gotta look the part: cuffs on your pleated pants rolled up ’90s-style, button-down collar, red power tie. Lookin’ sharp, G.

When you a player, wrapping your arms around two fine young ladies is just another day in a player’s life. So what if you sneak a peak down a lady’s dress just to see what kind of engine’s under the hood? Players ain’t perfect, yo.

When you a player, it don’t mean nothin’ if you got an E.T. alarm clock and you sleep on Star Wars bed sheets. It don’t matter if you got your jean jacket from your big brother when he left to go to KU.

When you a player, you got a network of brothers who can hook a player up with a 12-pack of Keystone Light and maybe, on special occasions, a bottle of Purple Passion.

When you a player, the back seat of a 1982 Buick Regal after the Christmas Ball can be exactly that. Regal.

Merry Christmas, y’all.
Player, out!